Women, War, and Dating
by: Ed Williams
I guess I should?ve figured something like this would happen one day. My son Will, who has just turned sixteen, is now dating, and was out on one this past Saturday night. I happened to be sitting in the den watching one of those high speed cop chase TV shows when he returned home from said date. He walked in, nodded, and then looked at me somewhat seriously and said,
?Dad, I need to ask you something. Tonight I took Candi to the movies, and I even let her pick out the movie. I bought our tickets and I even bought her some refreshments before we went into the theatre, even though I?ll be broke for the next two weeks. I did all that, and then when we sat down in our seats she looked over at me and asked if I liked her blouse? Dad, between us, it was this weird sort of orange looking deal, in fact, it looked just like someone had rubbed red clay all over it. I thought I?d at least be polite, so I told her that I liked it okay. She looked at me and said, ?Just okay?? I agreed again that I liked it okay. Dad, she didn?t hardly even speak to me for the rest of the evening.?
After a moment of meditative silence, Will asked, ?Dad, do you understand women? What should I have done instead??
God.
I cleared my throat for a good twenty seconds, stalled for some more time by picking a little lint off my socks, and then told Will that women were God?s greatest creation and that we should love, honor, and respect each and every one of them. I then added that a ton of great things like inventions and medical cures have come from women. I even went on to remind him that his mother was a woman, and we all know how guys feel about their mothers. But, even after all that, I broke down and confessed the following to Will, ?Son, I will never understand women. You will never understand women. Albert Einstein didn?t understand women. Hell, even Ed Jr. doesn?t even understand women!? We both paused at that point because we realized that this was as about as high up as we could go. I thought for a bit, then said, ?Son, we?ll never understand women, but I can help you out with your second question about what you should have done instead.?
Will listened as I continued, ?Son, the first mistake you made was even commenting on her clothes in the first place. Never tell a woman what you really think about her clothes. If she covers her body from head to toe in burlap bags and ties a snake around her waist, tell her that it?s the most stylish outfit that you?ve ever seen. And leave it at that. Talking to women about their clothes is like talking to them about their relatives - no possible good can come from it.?
Will nodded, and I continued, ?The second mistake you made was buying her a bunch of stuff to eat at the movies on the front end. If this was your first date with her you had no idea as to how things would go. The best thing would?ve been to take her into the theatre, see how things progressed for an hour or so, and then make the decision as to whether or not you want to blow fifteen or twenty bucks on refreshments. If things go well, that?s great, spend the dough with a big smile on your face. If they don?t, well, as soon as the movie is over tell her that you think you?re starting to get an intestinal bug and that you need to get her home really fast. Then, rush her on home, say goodbye quickly and leave, and then stop off at Nu-Way on your way back for a couple of tasty all-the-way dogs.?
Will nodded respectfully at all that, then asked, ?So Dad, what you?re telling me is that dating women is sort of like the stock market, that you shouldn?t invest until you know more about the company?s performance??
I sagely replied as follows, ?Son, I see it more like this. Dating is sort of like a war, you don?t want to oversupply the front until you?ve seen that you?ve made some reasonable advances....?
About The Author
Ed?s latest book, ?Rough As A Cob,? can be ordered by calling River City Publishing toll-free at: 877-408-7078. He?s also a popular after dinner speaker, and his column runs in a number of Southeastern publications. You can contact him via email at: ed3@ed-williams.com, or through his web site address at: www.ed-williams.com.
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A Special Kind Of Love
A Special Kind Of Love
by: Kirsten Hawkins
My grandmother taught me to crochet the moment my clumsy, chubby fingers could hold a crochet hook. By the time that I was six, she handed me her sewing needles to thread for her because her eyes could no longer see the needle's eye. When I was eight, my mother spent all of her precious off-work night-time hours making me a spring wardrobe that I can still describe in minute detail, right down to the rick-rack that trimmed the red kerchief that matched the tulip sprigged sleeveless dress. I can recall precisely the colors and patterns of the nightgowns my grandmother sewed for me. My brothers will tell you that they've never worn anything so warm and comfortable as Nana's knitted socks. I even remember the weight of the stocking cap my mother knit to match the checkerboard cardigan - that matched the blue one she knit for my brother.
There is a magic in handmade clothing that transcends the colors,...
A Special Kind Of Love
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Making Your Baby?s Clothes Last!
Making Your Baby?s Clothes Last!
by: Kirsten Hawkins
As any mother with a young child will tell you, babies grow very quickly. So for new mothers, making the most out of baby clothes is of the utmost importance. So what do you do when those onesies just don't quite snap anymore? How do you get an extra month out of those jeans that are a little too short for the winter months?
The great thing about onesies, is that they're a very workable cotton fabric, and there really isn't any hemming necessary to turn a couple of onesies that fit at five months into a couple of shirts that fit at eight months. Simply cut them off right at the leg holes, and gently pull the material around the edges so that it rolls a tiny bit. This way there are no exposed threads for baby to pull at or chew on. The same can apply to footsie pajamas. By simply snipping off the feet, you can easily get another month's wear out of the sleepwear.
Adding extra buttons to...
Making Your Baby?s Clothes Last!
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5 Killer Ways To Treat Athlete?s Foot
5 Killer Ways To Treat Athlete?s Foot
by: Daphne Cameron
If you?ve got an itch on your foot that you can?t help scratching, then you might have a dreaded case of athlete?s foot. But there?s no need to worry because here are five ways that you can treat yourself?no doctor and no prescriptions needed.
Head over to the store
Your best cure for athlete?s foot might be available at your local grocery mart or drug store. Look for creams and ointments that contain clotrimazole or miconazole as their active ingredient. These are topical creams that can be directly applied to the feet.
All you need to do is reapply the cream after you shower to clean, dry feet and then cover with a pair of cotton socks. The cream should be reapplied two to three times a day after that for about two to three weeks.
Going the natural route
Another great way to treat athlete?s foot is similar to the store method, but with a more natural oil. Tea tree...
5 Killer Ways To Treat Athlete?s Foot
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Basic Turkey Hunting Tips
Basic Turkey Hunting Tips
by: Niall Barco
Turkey hunting is challenging, exciting and in some cases becomes addictive. Turkey?s senses are extremely keen - even your heart pounding can make the turkey vanish like a puff of smoke.
Basic help in turkey hunting
Before you can hunt a wild turkey, you have got to find them. The easiest way to do this is by locating the general areas of the turkey?s habitat.
? Get a good map of the area you plan to hunt.
? Wave or use a locator call like an owl hooter or crow call or even a turkey call to try to get a response. When you hear a gobbler, mark the locator map.
? Scout for the best location on foot. Check for signs of the bird?s scratches, droppings of feathers. This information can help you locate some areas. Check along mud holes, creek banks, pastures, log roads, fencerows etc. as many trips as possible.
? Never try to get too close to the turkey. A turkey?s eyes, ears...
Basic Turkey Hunting Tips
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Light Travel - Carry-On Only
Light Travel - Carry-On Only
by: Steve Gillman
Light travel? The last time my wife and I went to Ecuador, I had 10 pounds of luggage, all in one carry-on bag. Ana had just 8 pounds in her carry-on bag. We spent six weeks in Ecuador, at times on glacier-covered mountains, and at other times lounging on Pacific coast beaches.
Why travel lightweight? Simplicity. With only carry-on luggage, we were in a restaurant in Quito, while others still waited for their checked luggage. On busses our luggage was safely with us, not in the hold below being cut open, like one time when I was in Mexico. Others struggled down the street with three heavy bags, while we had our hands free and were walking comfortably with our daypacks. We had less to lose, less to be stolen, less to wait for, less to pack and unpack in hotels, and less to worry about.
Light Travel Issues
Expect an extra question or two from the customs officials at the airport (Six weeks...
Light Travel - Carry-On Only
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Proxy Server Basics
Proxy Server Basics
by: Terry Steele
Proxy server is the software installed on some network server. The main purpose of this software is to relay traffic between two network hosts (client and server), sometimes this software does some data caching (usually this is performed by HTTP proxies). If your browser is configured to work through the proxy server then all your network traffic will go through that proxy server.
The main purposes of proxy servers:
* Transfer speed improvement (in case of caching proxies). You may use your ISP's proxy to access the internet ?usually you have better connection to your ISP's proxy than to other hosts, if this proxy has the resource you requested from the internet you will get a copy of it from proxy (from its cache).
* Security and privacy (for HTTP). Anonymous proxies hide information about your computer in the request headers, so you can safely surf the net and your information will never be...
Proxy Server Basics
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Proxy Server Basics
Proxy Server Basics
by: Terry Steele
Proxy server is the software installed on some network server. The main purpose of this software is to relay traffic between two network hosts (client and server), sometimes this software does some data caching (usually this is performed by HTTP proxies). If your browser is configured to work through the proxy server then all your network traffic will go through that proxy server.
The main purposes of proxy servers:
* Transfer speed improvement (in case of caching proxies). You may use your ISP's proxy to access the internet ?usually you have better connection to your ISP's proxy than to other hosts, if this proxy has the resource you requested from the internet you will get a copy of it from proxy (from its cache).
* Security and privacy (for HTTP). Anonymous proxies hide information about your computer in the request headers, so you can safely surf the net and your information will never be...
Proxy Server Basics
Socks > Proxy Server Basics
Tracking Down Cheap Debt Consolidation Loans
Tracking Down Cheap Debt Consolidation Loans
by: John Mussi
In the modern world of expensive living and high interest rates, it might seem nearly impossible to find cheap debt consolidation loans. If you're one of the people who desperately need one of these loans then there's a good chance that you have less-than-wonderful credit? meaning that you've probably already accepted the seemingly-inevitable fate of paying high interest rates for any loan that you get....
cheap
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